baby’s first post

do you also feel an immense amount of pressure to absolutely NAIL the first entry in a new journal, even though (in ideal circumstances) you will be the only one to ever read it? because that’s how i feel about this first post. i feel like i’ve got to be hilarious, poignant, and intriguing in as few words as possible to cater to the modern attention span.

it’s that pressure that has led me to put this off for weeks, but tonight i’m avoiding so much other work that writing this post has finally made it to the top of my to-do list.

i still have so many unanswered questions about this lil blergh though:

• will i use proper grammar and capitalization? (i guess not lol)
• can i curse? (feels disingenuous not to, given how much i do irl)
• should i conceal my identity and location? (for now i’m thinking yes)
• does the internet have enough white women writing into the void about their mental illness? (like, yes, but the internet is infinite so maybe it’s ok to add one more?)

i’ve also been putting it off because i want it to be the most perfect best #1 blog in the history of blogs. i want to be crowned a Mental Health Influencer yesterday, and i want lots and lots of sponsor deals and awards. not really but you get what i mean. my brain says that if i don’t start off knowing exactly what i’m doing and doing exactly that exactly perfectly, then the whole thing is exactly a failure. which my therapist tells me is not true.

so i’m using this project as a way to practice challenging the voice in my head that says, “idk why you think this is worth putting out into the world when so many other people do it better already.” i am simply going to do a thing that helps me process my life and i am not going to worry about how others perceive it. unless they perceive it well and in that case i will feed that information directly to my gluttonous ego.

right now i am also challenging the voice screaming, “your site currently looks like shit!!!!! are you sure you’re going to publish that!!!!!! everyone is going to be like, ‘ew this chick has no design sense i refuse to look at this ever again’!!!!!!!!” but tbh if i don’t publish it now i literally never will so weeeeeee here we gooooooooo !