i haven’t felt this breathless sadness in a while. it’s been anger, pain, or numbness lately. but tonight it’s hot, streaming tears that remind me i have skin that feels, and it’s tight, quick gasps that remind me i have lungs that work. and i’m grateful to have those things, but i wipe the tears… Continue reading every time
Author: weepdealer
back on track
regarding my last post, the ferrari is running much better now than it was. with the help of friends and mental health professionals, i got my eating back on track and quieted my inner saboteur (saboteuse?). i’m really disappointed in myself for neglecting this project for the past month. when i started this blog, my… Continue reading back on track
ferrari brain
it’s way past my bedtime but i don’t want to go another week without making a post because i think that’s a slippery slope. the past two weeks have been hectic and my grief has been pretty intense at times. i think sometimes i subconsciously crawl into that corner of my brain to escape my… Continue reading ferrari brain
e-d free-bie
cw: disordered eating well, the rosiness of my last post didn’t last very long. my anxiety skyrocketed this past week, despite that cute lil commitment i made last sunday to be less scared of life. to make matters worse, when i realized that this particular round of anxiety was decreasing my appetite, i got excited.… Continue reading e-d free-bie
it’s ok to be ok???
things are weirdly good right now. like, really good. i’m trying not to think about when the other shoe will drop. on friday night, i organized a get-together with all of my friends because i wanted to help a new friend who just moved here meet some more people. after i moved to a new… Continue reading it’s ok to be ok???
are these all just going to end up being I’m Tired posts
i tried again to edit that other post i was working on last week, but i still can’t really get it right. and i don’t have the energy to totally revamp it right now, so it will just have to wait or maybe it will languish in my drafts forever, i don’t know. this past… Continue reading are these all just going to end up being I’m Tired posts
quick degrief
it’s been a rough week. there are so many things that came up that i want to write about. i have a longer post drafted about one element of the shitstorm that was my thought pattern over the past few days, but i don’t have the energy right now to edit it into something good.… Continue reading quick degrief
tuesday scaries
i have been doing a whole lot of nothing lately to make sure not one (1) single solitary emotional thought pops into my head. scrolling through instagram, swiping through tinder, sifting through emails. anything to occupy my jumpy little brain cells that are scared to death that i’m going to put down a screen and… Continue reading tuesday scaries
succession’s substance situation
~*succession spoilers below*~ ~*you have been warned*~ i finally caught up on succession this week. i’d been meaning to watch the show for a while, but my friend had warned me that there was a pretty serious addiction storyline. last week i was feeling nice and stable, so i went for it, knowing that i… Continue reading succession’s substance situation
it’s ‘judgmental’ not ‘judgemental’
growing up, were you also taught that if you had a single typo in your resumé, it would be thrown out immediately? i kind of wonder what would have happened to my brain if no one had ever told me that. from that dire warning and lots and lots of other cues from school/ballet/america, i… Continue reading it’s ‘judgmental’ not ‘judgemental’