ttyl

i’m currently in an airbnb in western maine. i spent most of the morning curled up in the old corduroy recliner that has a beautiful view of two horse paddocks and their respective residents, cody and mojo. mojo and my journal have been my main sources of entertainment here, which is just how i intended… Continue reading ttyl

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main char energy

i spent a lot of today creating and then fiddling with a spreadsheet to help me figure out how much money i would like to make in order to cover my expenses vs. how much money i could possibly make without selling my soul. it is a very tricky equation to balance. i came up… Continue reading main char energy

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cinderblocks

a few days ago, my ex’s mom told me that one of her friends went to a medium who said my ex’s feet have finally been released from cinderblocks and that he’s the happiest he’s ever been. she took that to mean he has finally “passed on.” that made sense to me because i had… Continue reading cinderblocks

energy budget

my anxiety is throUgH tHe RoOf this weekend. the events of the last two weeks are finally settling in, and they are making me concerned about truly every aspect of my life 🙂 🙂 🙂 i love that my life has so many aspects – two jobs, a degree program i’m half-committed to, volunteer gigs… Continue reading energy budget

meat grinder mind

right. so. didn’t blog on saturday. but that’s because it was a snow day and i can’t be expected to fulfill any obligations under those conditions. and it was a blizzard so obviously that carried over to sunday and monday, too. last night i had my second class of this semester and it was an… Continue reading meat grinder mind

chana masala

ok week two of my saturday blogging commitment is not going exactly according to plan, but that’s ok. in my ideal fantasy world i would have done this in the morning, but we do not live in my ideal fantasy world and it is 9pm. fine. i did spend quite a lot of time writing… Continue reading chana masala

scary magic

alright! i’m doing it! writing on a saturday like i said i would! i recently listened to the audiobook of Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert at the suggestion of my sister, who is a musician and a generally artsy and creative individual. i admire her for many reasons, but chief among… Continue reading scary magic

every time

i haven’t felt this breathless sadness in a while. it’s been anger, pain, or numbness lately. but tonight it’s hot, streaming tears that remind me i have skin that feels, and it’s tight, quick gasps that remind me i have lungs that work. and i’m grateful to have those things, but i wipe the tears… Continue reading every time

back on track

regarding my last post, the ferrari is running much better now than it was. with the help of friends and mental health professionals, i got my eating back on track and quieted my inner saboteur (saboteuse?). i’m really disappointed in myself for neglecting this project for the past month. when i started this blog, my… Continue reading back on track

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