my anxiety is throUgH tHe RoOf this weekend. the events of the last two weeks are finally settling in, and they are making me concerned about truly every aspect of my life 🙂 🙂 🙂
i love that my life has so many aspects – two jobs, a degree program i’m half-committed to, volunteer gigs i’m probably over-committed to, recovery, ballet, my cat – but each has the potential for complications, not to mention every relationship in my life has the potential for absolute ruin 🙂 🙂 🙂
i’ve taken on too much again. and i know i’m doing it as i’m doing it. i just always seem to do it anyway. specifically, i really promised myself that i wouldn’t let this one volunteer thing take over my life, yet over my life it has taken. the problem is that i really enjoy it, and i really want to put in the effort it takes to help this organization and make change.
but when i’m honest with myself, i know that my energy is finite and it can only go so many places. i also know i need to keep some energy in reserve for the unexpected, because that’s what i’m dealing with right now. i simply had not budgeted properly for the surprise fires i’ve encountered recently, and it got to a point last night where i just had nothing left. couldn’t do a thing. at least today i baked and went to ballet and now i’m doing this. but there are myriad things still on my to-do list and i don’t have a lot of faith they’ll be done by the times they need to be.
maybe one day i’ll learn. or not. maybe i’ll just continue this exhausting cycle of loading up my plate and then getting too full and then scraping off the leftovers i couldn’t get to and then panicking because my plate is empty and then loading it up all over again 🙂 🙂 🙂