cinderblocks

a few days ago, my ex’s mom told me that one of her friends went to a medium who said my ex’s feet have finally been released from cinderblocks and that he’s the happiest he’s ever been. she took that to mean he has finally “passed on.” that made sense to me because i had… Continue reading cinderblocks

chana masala

ok week two of my saturday blogging commitment is not going exactly according to plan, but that’s ok. in my ideal fantasy world i would have done this in the morning, but we do not live in my ideal fantasy world and it is 9pm. fine. i did spend quite a lot of time writing… Continue reading chana masala

every time

i haven’t felt this breathless sadness in a while. it’s been anger, pain, or numbness lately. but tonight it’s hot, streaming tears that remind me i have skin that feels, and it’s tight, quick gasps that remind me i have lungs that work. and i’m grateful to have those things, but i wipe the tears… Continue reading every time

ferrari brain

it’s way past my bedtime but i don’t want to go another week without making a post because i think that’s a slippery slope. the past two weeks have been hectic and my grief has been pretty intense at times. i think sometimes i subconsciously crawl into that corner of my brain to escape my… Continue reading ferrari brain

quick degrief

it’s been a rough week. there are so many things that came up that i want to write about. i have a longer post drafted about one element of the shitstorm that was my thought pattern over the past few days, but i don’t have the energy right now to edit it into something good.… Continue reading quick degrief

timelines

i have this obsession with time that i could really do without. you know, it’s that idea that you’re supposed to achieve certain milestones by certain times in your life, and if you’re off track, you risk being ostracized by society forever. it’s like there’s some standard timeline we’re all supposed to follow OR ELSE.… Continue reading timelines